Hillbilly Holiday!

Yep, this year I am going on Hillbilly Holiday with my sisters. This is the first time in a long time, and I will probably live to regret it. HilHol involves driving down to East Texas, hanging out with my father on his armed compound, and generally being rednecks. Think huntin’ wild hogs, boatin’ on the river, shootin’ shit up with big guns, and eatin’ fried pies, all while wearing a heavy layer of bug spray and a pair of rubber waders.

In making my uncertain preparations for this trip (which clothes won’t I be sad to throw away when it’s all over?) I realized that I haven’t seen my father since he came to visit me in Florida some time around 2003. He came down for the Daytona bike rally and swung through Tampa with his 2nd (or 3rd) wife. (Things are a little muddled there.)

At the time, Exhubbicula was deployed to somewhere sandier than Florida, so I went to dinner with my father and Mary Jo by myself. Or I thought it was just going to be the three of us, but a fourth dinner guest was invited: one of my father’s business associates.

There was a time when my father’s business associates were drug dealers, drug manufacturers, and various well-armed men who kept the drugs flowing. Now his business associates are glass manufacturers. Although my father no longer sells drugs, he does a booming business in drug paraphernalia, including blown-glass water pipes. You may know them by their more common name: bongs.

At any rate, the man who met us for dinner was not a drug dealer, nor even a dealer in drug paraphernalia. He sold glass to glass blowers. Artists mostly, and it was clear to me that he was out of his league. My father looks like this:

Black sheep biker

What you may not be able to discern in this photo is that a.) he has no teeth, b.) he has a swastika tattoo on his left arm, and c.) he is the kind of man who casually drops the word nigger into conversation. Mary Jo is a suitable help-meet.

The glass salesman had been doing all his business transactions with my father over the internet, so they had only ever exchanged professional emails about buying and selling glass. He nearly panicked when he shook my father’s hand, and he spent the whole meal looking at the only safe thing he could see: me. Harmless little redheaded, sandal-and-capri-wearing-has-all-her-teeth-and-talks-like-a-hillbilly-English-major me. He could barely eat and no matter who spoke, he directed his responses to me.

He ran away as soon as he could, leaping into his late model Volvo and speeding away to the safety of suburbia. I imagine he turned this night into a funny story to tell his friends, never letting on how horrified he was.

So after a ten-year hiatus from my father, I’m curious how things will be over Hillbilly Holiday. Wish me luck.

About Redscylla

Stuck between a rock and a massive home remodeling project.
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13 Responses to Hillbilly Holiday!

  1. Laurie says:

    I’m hoping for some colorful posts either during or after said visit. When do you go? Will the doggies be going along? I think they’d like it all the outdoor adventuring.

    • Redscylla says:

      I’m sure there will be a variety of stories born out of the trip. Doggies are not going, because I was concerned about their safety. Too many gators and wild hogs out there for dogs to roam free.

  2. crankypants says:

    ditto what Laurie said. sounds like a writer’s dream!

  3. lauowolf says:

    Oh dear.
    Be sure to have your mad money to hand, in case you need a fast exit.

    I wonder if your glass supplier was a source for my artistic nephew, who spent a few years creating lovely bongs.
    Finally some prosecutor decided that such things needed suppressing, and there was a crackdown (pun?) and he got out of it, having kids and a wife with sense.
    I think he still has all his teeth too, but I haven’t checked lately.

    • Redscylla says:

      Yes, the glass water pipe business is a tricky one. One must always assert that they are used to smoke tobacco. We’ve been wondering if my father might consider a move to Colorado to branch, but he has so many other business ventures in Texas, he probably won’t.

  4. Lauri says:

    Good luck! Can’t wait to hear all about it!

  5. Umm..good luck on your holiday? :)

  6. Sometimes there’s a good reason for not seeing family too often. Hope you have a, hmm, good time with your father.

    (No teeth? Really? It can’t be because he can’t afford dentures if he’s riding a hog like the one in the picture.)

  7. Replace the swastika tat with a rebel flag tat, and he could be any one of my neighbors.

  8. brownamazon says:

    A swastika?? Surely even in Texas this is taboo?

  9. leendadll says:

    oh lordy, GOOD LUCK!!

  10. SingingTuna says:

    Goodness. What an experience! Are you back from the Hillbilly Holiday? How did it go? Did I miss the post? Going to go look… ::runs::

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